She's a man eater!
by reality deviant
Summary: Hyuudo Issei and his parents went to Tokyo to visit relatives, his return was delayed, and when he finally saw his friends again, he had shocking news for them. Or a tale of a wedding and a funeral.


_"Hello?"_

 _"I was taken of guard, hearing about your marriage! Should I offer my congratulations to the freshly married young wife, or my condolences to the soon to be widow?"_

* * *

When one Hyuudo Issei left with his parents to visit relatives in Tokyo-the entire female student population of Kuoh was in celebratory mood! Rias though, found the calm and peaceful quiet that followed to be making her restless. She found herself missing her enthusiastic pawn fairly quickly.

When, two weeks later, the Hyuudo family returned, she was giddy and excited to have him back, more then she would ever admit to anyone.

As such, it was with surprise, that the next day he did not meet her eyes at all at school.

The Gremory Heiress thought that he will tell her at the club meeting after school, and if not... well she will see just who dared make her adorable cute pawn sad.

So she was surprised -that when all other club members were there and the last cnock on the door sounded, it was not him greeting her as she opened the door with a smile.

"Shidou Irina, what are you doing here?"

The Childhood friend of Issei was frowning, and worrying a bit, as she answered. Issei called me this morning before school. He asked me to come to the Occult club after school hours, and said that he had something important to tell us all. He seemed anxious, and a bit excited."

"Do you have any idea what it could be?" Akeno asked, glaring at the servant of angels.

"M...maybe Issei-kun finally saw the light, and wants to convert, and go to the side of the angels? Then we could be together again, just like when we little!"

Rias herself thought it unlikely, but she did find herself weary of the explanation.

Then a second knock on the door.

Only it wasn't Issei this time either.

It was a beautiful young woman, with a dark hair in a short bob cut, wearing a white wide neck blouse. She looked too old to be a student and wasn't a teacher.

And she was holding hands with the Pervy boy, who still avoided looking Rias in the eyes.

"May we enter?" the woman asked in a quiet, sweet and demure voice.

"Yes, please-we were just talking how Issei was about to tell us something important." and she glared at the boy-this was not what she expected- not at all.

"Well, We, that is, she and I... you know how i went to visit dying relatives and.. I went to... and there were drinks, and one thing led to another, and then..." and his face turned redder and redder.

That WOMAN who despite her youth was still OLDER then Issei himself, squeezed his hand, held in hers, and quietly announced.

I am Hyuudo Touka, nee Kirishima Touka, Issei's wife!

Her own cheeks blushed prettily at the words as well.

* * *

Touka thought back on her first meeting with the boy.

He entered the bar with the naiveté of childhood she never really had, all eager and wide eyed, with no thought to the danger of the ghouls that frequented the place. Lost to her own troubles as she was, trying to drink just a bit to take her mind from Kaneki, the boy she might have fallen for-who disappeared after that faithful raid on the their coffee shop-with no idea if he was alive or dead. Over the loss of the life she had, school, her dear precious friend Yoriko, and the death of the Manager… she didn't pay attention to him after the first glance classified him as ignorant human and no threat.

She vaguely remembered him saying something outrageous at some point, arguing with him over it, but with the cups the memories went fuzzy and the argument louder.

When she woke up, feeling the headache, she feared what she might have done in drunken haze. That she will find a dead body, that she killed another innocent person.

What Touka found instead, was a very much living, breathing body though still next to her.

It took some time for the haze to lift and her to notice her new predicament.

Just like in some western comedy movie-she found herself married to the boy (still in high school! She felt a bit like a cradle robber, despite being only a few years older herself).

The boy's parents were quite surprised, but moreso overjoyed-they were apparently despairing over ever having Grandchildren. And they accepted her so fast and so warmly-not even dear Yoshimura-san was as warm and inviting!

The girl found out why soon enough-the boy, Issei was an open pervert who had no shame and dreamed of nothing but harems and Oppai.

 _'And who am I to judge, when I myself sometimes dream of eating human innards, of gorging myself on the flesh of others.'_

She wondered if Kaneki ever had Hunger Dreams…

Yomo-san was against it, but she lied through her teeth to convince him that she could pull this off, especially as despite his perverted hobby, the boy himself turned out quite the gentleman, his words aside, and even seemed reluctant to peep on her-which she overheard from his father to be unheard of.

It all was very endearing…

* * *

 _"No, Congratulations should suffice. I don't want to become widow anytime soon."_

The Ghoul girl found herself smiling at the thoughts.


End file.
